You sang your songs with all the rest,
on the first show all did your best,
or so you thought until you saw,
the playback of the night before.

You walked right out of Kevin's class,
we held our breaths afraid to gasp,
you stropped and stomped sometimes too far,
you even donned a ladies bra!

You got to meet Shania Twain,
you must have thought 'this is insane',
you had to sing one of her songs,
with her sat there listening on.

Disaster struck bringing you down,
the stress and strain start to compound,
a migraine confines you to bed,
no songs today not with that head.

The latest star arrives at last,
to give another masterclass,
two songs for all to sing so far,
to Lionel Ritchie megastar.

Singing for survival again,
time to prove this is not the end,
your heavenly voice hits the notes,
winning you the audience vote.

You slid on down the bank at night,
without much clothes on what a sight,
the Scotts were sliding down there too,
it's time to have some fun for you.

Back down to earth a job to do,
to learn the song for Fridays show,
another masterclass is in,
Mariah Carey does her thing.

Your bestest pal was made grade A,
and took you to the soccer game,
you both got drunk and had a ball,
then chased the girls around their dorm.

You're put on probation again,
enough to drive you round the bend,
it's all change for 'Children In Need',
the show's moved to Sunday this week.

Survival time is here once more,
with mic in hand you take the floor,
this time it's not quite strong enough,
this is the week you're voted off.

Waiting at the end of the thrust,
the wife you missed so very much,
with heavy hearts we watch you go,
won't be the same on next weeks show.